I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
