Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
