Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
worst night to have a conscience
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
