it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
