im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
