thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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