I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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