i already hear my dad disowning me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
