Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
