get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
