so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
