just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
