I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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