i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
