No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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