The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
