i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
