I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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