sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
