You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
