I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
