remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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