dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
