i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
