I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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