You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
