She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
