You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
