hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
