i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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