Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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