Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize