My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
