I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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