i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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