I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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