Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
