Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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