he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize