I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
