Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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