I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
