the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize