If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
