Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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