it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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