Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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