she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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