I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
