Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
