Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
