I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
