I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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