bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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