I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
