So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
