I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
