onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
