apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize