One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
