i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
40s are totally the cure
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
