I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
