Got a toothbrush?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize