how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
