Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
