EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
