At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
