Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
