Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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