I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
