I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
