My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize